i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
