I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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