I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
