This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
