maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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