I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We have so much sex to catch up on
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
