we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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