Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
