We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
