WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
