how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
