I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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