Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
