If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize