you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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