return my video game
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
