I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
