it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
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I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
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The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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