Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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