Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
