For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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