i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
