I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
