Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
