She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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