why im i the only drunk person in the library?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could fuck to npr.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize