I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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