we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
