Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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