He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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