I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
