just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
