He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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