Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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