Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
