Cold hands, warm shart.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
pop tarts are not kleenex
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
