I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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