i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
