Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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