I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
