I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
