Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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