please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
