YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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