we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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