you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
