chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
