Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish ðŸ€
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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