We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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