1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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