Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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