Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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