i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
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i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I will pee on everything he values.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
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Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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