theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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