He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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