i wish starbucks made bloody marys
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
