Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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