I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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