Buhtt sex?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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