my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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