aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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