I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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