He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My ass is underappreciated
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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