At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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