Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I enjoy the company of your penis
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
