i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
FUCK WHALES
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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