its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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