You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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