you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
