Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Boobs speak an international language.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
