dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Randomize
