put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
