I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
