Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
