I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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