soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
