I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
