Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
